I’ve been learning and writing a lot about faith. It’s really on my heart, because I have a lot of things right now for which I am expectantly waiting on the Lord. And I’m trying to wait with faith . . . expect with faith . . . hope with faith.
I am both terrified and excited beyond belief, because later this year my husband and I have decided to do this . . .
. . . all over again.
This will be my first time being pregnant where it was not an . . . *ahem* . . . “unintended consequence.” And I am so excited to have this experience of planning, and waiting, and hoping, and praying (Yes, yes . . . I just started singing the Dusty Springfield song in my head, too.) beforehand. I have had the OMG, SURPRISE! experience. Now I’m excited to have the other experience as well.
We are not telling any family or friends about our plans until I am pregnant and we actually know the gender of the baby. So . . . since I am dying inside, to tell someone, I want to share it with all of you!
And boy, oh boy, do we have a lot to get in order beforehand, everything from finances (which are a little haywire), to help with our toddler (which we have n.o.n.e), to just about everything else . . . I mean, we have a crib. And that’s about it. But no sweat, right? I mean, I am a everything-will-work-out / plan-and-prepare type of person. And I know these things will be just fine.
But THIS is what keeps me up at night. I am about to undertake the herculean feat of attempting to beat H.G. For those of you unfamiliar with H.G. I will tell you what it is, by first telling you what it is not. It is NOT morning sickness. (Which many an
ignorant innocent lady likes to make-believe it is so that they can feel like they sympathize with those who have it.)
H.G. is debilitating, sometimes life-threatening, severe, SEVERE, SEVERE, unrelenting vomiting and nausea during pregnancy. Those with H.G. are usually hospitalized for some, if not a large portion of their pregnancy, usually have difficulty working, or even caring for themselves, usually require IV fluids on a regular basis to try and prevent miscarriage, are typically given powerful anti-nausea medication developed for cancer patients to “take the edge off,” often become anemic and malnourished due to a total inability to keep food down. The cause of it is unknown, there is no “cure,” and no reliable “prevention.” And if you have H.G. the chances are in the 90th percentile that you will have it every time you get pregnant.
There is some evidence that liver cleanses and vitamin therapies pre-pregnancy can hold it off. And I am going to try it all – wage an all out offensive attack on this. But my hope in this must be (as should be everything else) in the Lord. My clock is ticking with seven months left before we TTC. And I can use all the prayer I can get.
If asked to describe my past pregnancies in one word, I would say: hell. I felt absolutely certain that this is what it feels like to be dying. Not in a drama queen, “OMG, I’m, like, dying!” I mean, literally, the life force being sucked out of you, my body is slowly shutting down, dying. And so I am, naturally, a little terrified of intentionally walking into this lions’ den.
But thank God . . . well, maybe that’s all I need to say. Thank God! THANK GOD that He is, and He is faithful to me. May He have mercy on me this time around. Amen.